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Monday, August 27, 2018

An opportunity to fail

Have you ever taken an opportunity to fail an exam? You might think I was crazy, but I did twice. On both the occasions the teachers were very angry to the point one teacher cried (oh! yes), and the other teacher said I was the record holder in her teaching career. They thought I was disrespecting them or insulting them, which of course were never my intention. I was not a schoolteacher of anyone, and never knew what it meant to teachers when a student failed willingly. Now, though I still am not a schoolteacher, I understand and stand corrected.

If I was not rebellious or disrespectful to teachers, why did I fail willingly? There were two reasons: Firstly, I did not know enough to pass the exam; and secondly, I did not want to fail just below the pass mark, because that will make me join the ranks of lazy and unintelligent students. I wanted to secure a good mark or fail “gloriously/uniquely.” I wanted to be in the company of bright students or be a uniquely failed student. I didn’t want to be an average student. Perhaps the words of John Milton were mine: “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.” Btw, that statement is attributed to Satan. One is deceived and lacks humility when he makes such statement.
Somehow, I misread my exam routine and was preparing for other paper. I was shocked in the exam hall to get a question paper for which I had not prepared at all. I sat for a while calculating how much I could answer rightly, and those I could answer almost wrongly or almost rightly. At the same time, I started to scribble on my paper to answer one question. I realized those right answers would not make me pass the exam. Moreover, there was no point in embarrassing myself before the teacher in giving ‘not-right answer’ or ‘almost-wrong answer’ to other questions. Therefore, I decided to quit the exam, without answering anymore even of those I knew.
The result came out, the teacher was very upset and annoyed, and declared in the class (to shame me) that I was the record-breaking student of her teaching career. (I got 2 marks, yes, 2 out of 40). Record, even of my student career. The teacher predicted (to indicate that it was the worst performance) that nobody will ever break the record I set. The teacher did not punish me nor bring up that issue any other time. So, I thought I had achieved something unique. We were wrong. The following month, one of my juniors was in the news with the same teacher. He got 1 out of 40, breaking my record and proving the teacher’s prediction wrong. In the end, ‘it is much easier to reign from the bottom than to reign upward.’
As I recall those incidents, following are the Scripture portions and Implications that comes to mind:
1.     Do not think highly of yourself. Esteem other better than yourself” (Philippians 2:2)
2.   Do not pretend to be someone who you are not. God resists the proud and give grace to humble” (James 4:6)
3.   Accept your stupidity and do not try to cover up. Wait for Grace of God (cf. 1 Samuel 15: 10-29 about Saul; and Psalm 51 about David)
4.   Student demonstrates their respect towards his teacher by performing well in the exam. (I am thinking of 2Timothy 2: 4, the analogy of soldier pleasing his captain.)
5.    For good or bad, somebody brakes  breaks your record. (I would like to consider this in two ways: Positively, the just shall not be utterly destroyed – Psalm 37:24; negatively, the depravity goes on – Romans 8:20-21.)   
Well, this is such a personal story, but I trust it edifies you. I have shared this story with some of my closest friends through email, but have decided to post on the blog because I discover (surprisingly) others are also committing the same mistakes I did.